Everyone's Worst Nightmare
by NightTreader
Summary: It's everyone's worst nightmare. Horrible things happen to the gundam pilots and their gundams as well as the girls. What WILL happen next?
1. Wing Zero

Start Transimission: Wing Zero

Duo: Um… Heero your gundam's pink…

Heero: NOOOOOOO!

Duo: The bad thing is –

Heero: How can it be any worse? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  
Duo: Um… well… you painted it pink.

Heero: HOLY SHIT

Relena: HEERO! NO SWEARING!

Heero: Oops sorry

Duo: It's perfectly natural I mean you were drunk and all but … it gets worse

Heero: EVEN WORSE HOW?

Duo: You um… kinda rearranged the program too

Heero: What did I do?

Duo: You made Wing Zero think it was a ballerina

Heero: AHHHHHHHHH! WHERE IS IT NOW?

Duo: Well, you're making money off it cause Wing Zero's a real hit

Heero: I gotta get my gundam back then I gotta reprogram it and get that paint off

Duo: ….. Well the problem is Heero ...

Heero: WHAT NOW!

Duo: Well… it's permanent paint

Heero: NOOOOOOO I'M DOOOMED!

Wing Zero comes in still dancing. Heero is crying muttering to himself about never drinking again. Heero picks up a bottle of Vodka and drains it. Heero faints.

End Transmission


	2. I'm Invisible!

Start Transmission: I'M INVISIBLE!

Duo strolled down the alleyway. His eye wandered along the path searching, always wary, just in case. He squats down to tie his shoelace.

Old man: HELLO!

Duo: AHHH! Wait a sec… you're just an old man! What the hell do you want with me?

Old man: I have little left in my possession and I want you to buy this from me. Give an old man some warmth of food before he dies. Would ya?

Duo: -.-; Uh… sure I guess. Here's 10 take it or leave it.

Old man: Thank you. Thank you. You're such a kind young man.

Old man begins to scuttle off holding the 10-dollar bill like it was a grand trophy. Duo stands there watching the old man holding what seemed to be an ordinary can of paint.

Duo: WAIT! What is this?

The old man was now very far away.

Old man: Trying spraying it on something. You might discover it has powerful abilities.

Duo: What can have better abilities than my Deathsycthe.

Duo walks over to a lamppost and shakes the can. Uncapping the lid, he sprays the lamppost. The lamppost seems to be chopped off from the bottom.

Duo: O.O …. Heh heh heh. Invisible Spray-paint eh? Imagine the things I could do with it.

Duo pauses to think. He sprays the paint on his hand. He runs toward where all the group are waiting for him for a little get together at Relena's. He arrives panting.

Duo: AHHH! I'M IN PAIN! PLEASE HELP ME!

The whole group turns to stare at him. Now what? They all stare open-mouthed and wide-eyed at Duo's missing hand.

Hilde: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAND DUO?

Duo: I was walking along and then I got hit on the head with a metal pole some guy came and loped off my hand and ran away.

Heero: Why would anyone want your hand?

Duo: DNA?

The whole group was silent. We better get him to the hospital.

So Duo was sent to the hospital and he escaped. Now the paramedics were after him. He ducked in behind a dumpster. Holding his breath he sprayed the rest of himself. The paint had run out so he left it in the trash. Going outside he looked around, he waved a hand in front of a doctor's face. The doctor didn't notice. Duo grinned; life was sweet when you could make something of it.

He ran to the restaurant the rest of the gang was eating out at. He walked in through the door; a waiter looked up but didn't see him, shaking his head he went back to work, dismissing it as his imagination.

Waiter 1: ORDER UP!

Duo took out a small vial that he kept in his pocket for… personal reasons. He entered the kitchen and looked for a giant bowl of soup that he was sure the group would order. There it was on the counter, a shining silver bowl. He crept over to it and emptied the contents of the vial into the soup and stirred it around just a bit. He left the kitchen and looked for his friend's table. Heero was sitting beside Relena and beside Heero was supposed to have been his spot, Hilde sat next to his seat and Catherine sat beside her and beside Catherine was Trowa, beside Trowa was Quatre, beside Quatre was Wufei and beside Wufei was Sally, beside Sally was Dorothy and beside Dorothy was Relena. There was an empty chair in the corner used as extra. Duo sat in that one waiting for the waiter to come with the soup to see what would happen to his _civilized_ friends. The waiter came. He served the soup then left. His friends began to drink the soup delicately. He snorted, he would have slurped away and asked for seconds.

His friends all began to sway, back and forth, side to side. Then Wufei jumped up and began to sing.

Wufei: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY I REALLY WANT TO TOUCH THE SKY

Heero screams: HEERO WANT ICE CREAM, GIVE ME ICE CREAM, I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT! And bawls like a baby child.

Relena was hiccupping and talking to the wall. Dorothy was sleeping on Sally's back. And Sally was sleeping on Wufei's chair. Quatre and Trowa are waltzing around the restaurant and Hilde is doing the disco on the table. Duo laughed aloud, none of his friends would notice they were DRUGGED. Duo began to lose his invisibility. Hilde came to sooner than the rest and saw him, with his hand attached.

Hilde: YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE. LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO RELENA! SHE'LL NEVER BE READY FOR HER SPEECH TOMORROW NOW!

Duo: oops?

Everyone but Relena came to, they all stared at him accusingly while keeping a concerned eye on Relena who now talked to the floor.

Duo: Um… hi?

Everyone else: DUO!

Short version is Duo is going to feel a lot of pain in his backside from now on and he's got a few broken bones and a nice punch in the eye. Relena never did make that speech, she uh called in sick. Duo's actually really is in the hospital.

Duo: Ugggghhh…. I'll never buy stuff from strange old men again.

End Transmission

* * *

That wasn't so bad I guess. Kinda took a long time and this one isn't as funny well not in my opinion anyways have fun reading... i guess. 


	3. I AM GOD!

Start Transmission: I AM GOD!

Heero watched Duo across the chessboard.

Heero: My my. You seem to have improved Duo, God of Death.  
Duo: Yea well. I've been bored down in Hell all by myself. I thought I might improve on my chess skills to beat you O Lord of Heaven. And I'm pretty good now.  
Heero: So you thought that you might join me for a game of chess.  
Duo: Well, you see playing with mortal lives is always so much fun. And I knew you might want to be Death again. I still need bribes.  
Heero grinned at Duo: I couldn't agree with you more. Checkmate.  
Duo: DAMN!  
Heero: Time to deal with that bet of yours.  
Duo: sigh you get control of death for the next month.  
Heero: Yes … and?  
Duo: And you get my scythe.  
Heero grinned: Now how's it feel to be like a mortal Duo?  
Duo: Left out. A bit depressed and I want to kill you?  
Heero: You ain't got no scythe.  
Duo: Shaddup.

Duo flipped his braid and hit Heero in the face with it.

Heero: HOW DARE YOU HIT GOD! NOW SUFFER MY WRATH! I SMITE THEE!  
Duo: Ahhh….

And they never saw the God of Death and Hell again.

End transmission

* * *

I discovered when I read this fanfic over. I SUCK LIKE HELL! But I'm only doing this chapter in dedication to my good friend Cherry, who wants me to continue this crappy fanfic. Enjoy?


	4. Online stalking

Start Transmission: Online stalking

frrrriiiitzzz

When Relena finally got her hands on Heero's email.

Thursday, August 2 AC 197  
From: iloveheero (Im going to leave out all the because theres a problem with them okay?  
To: omaeokorosu

Can you guess who it is? I bet you can't. Wait, no you could probably tell who this is just looking at my email. Can't you?

You didn't keep your promise and you didn't come and kill me. Do you know how much I miss you? sigh Say, if you have time come back and kill me. I want to see you again.

Love you. Bye

Friday, August 3 AC 197  
From: iloveheero  
To: omaeokorosu

You didn't respond to the email I sent yesterday. So I was worried about whether or not you got injured or something. Oh well. Say if you're not doing anything tonight would you like to join me for dinner or something? It would be nice of you to. You can kill me afterwards okay?

Love you. Bye.

Saturday, August 4 AC 197  
From: iloveheero  
To: omaeokorosu

This is Relena. You still haven't responded to any of my emails to you. It's been three days and I was wondering if you were dead. Funny thing. I'm sitting here at the computer with the obituary column. Your name's not in here. So hurry up and email me back.

Love you. Bye.

* * *

And so it continued after a week, Heero finally responded.

* * *

Saturday, August 11 AC 197  
From: omaeokorosu  
To: iloveheero

No. And stop emailing me. I have 113 emails from you and you clogged my system. If you don't stop emailing me I'm going to really have to come and kill you. I lost the plans to a very important mission thanks to you. And change your email for christ's sake.

Heero Yuy

End Transmission

* * *

_From yours truly,_

EmbeRin: Gomene. I forgot about you. You didn't really bug me about it though. Chelly did alot so I got bored and did it.

Ignore the little highlights okay? It's not my problem someone actually has an email like that.

_NightTreader_


End file.
